Written May 2. 36.5 weeks.  Updated May 4.

You guys, I’m swollen.  Like, only have one pair of sandals left that fit swollen.  Like, can’t wear ANY of my rings because my fingers are such sausages swollen.  Blah.

At my 34 week appointment, my doctor was slightly concerned about all of my swelling, because it came on REALLY fast.  My hands have been kind of swollen since mid-February (that’s when I had to stop wearing my wedding ring 😦 ), but it felt like literally overnight my hands were REALLY swollen and my feet and ankles were unreal!  My blood pressure was still fine though, so she wasn’t overly concerned.  Buuuuuut she was like “hmmmmm” enough to schedule an ultrasound for my next appointment at 36 weeks.

Pete had a work trip scheduled to India for the last week of April, which was causing anxiety for both of us, especially with the not-quite-routine ultrasound scheduled for while he was on the other side of the world.  My mom said that she would come up to go to the appointment with me, which was just fabulous.  I wanted her there just in case something wasn’t quite right.  Pete wanted her there because he was “preeeeeeeetty nervous!”

On Wednesday morning, my mom and I went to the clinic for the ultrasound and appointment.  It was so wonderful being able to see the baby again after 16 weeks!  A very different picture this time, because there is a lot of baby in there!  It actually made it kind of hard to make things out, but it was still fabulous.

The ultrasound technician took the head measurement first.  I could see all of the numbers on the screen.  I gasped.  “Excuse me, am I seeing that right?  Does it say that the head is measuring at 39 weeks??”  The tech laughed and said, “Yep!”  I just about fainted.

She moved on to the waist and other body parts, and guess what.  Our baby has a big ass head.  The rest of the body is measuring right at 36 weeks.  I immediately began sweating.  Genetics work… Baby got Dad’s huge head.

Next was the consult with the doctor.  Everything with the baby looks great, which is just so wonderful.  The little bugger is already weighing in at a little over 6 pounds!  The doctor didn’t say anything about the head.  So I asked if it’s concerning at all that the head is measuring 3 weeks ahead of the rest of the body.  Doctor’s response?  A laugh.  “Nope!  Your baby just has a good sized melon!”  Exact words.

Single ladies: when selecting the person that you’ll fall madly in love with and you’ll eventually want to father your children, make sure you check their head size.  Unfortunately, this thought didn’t occur to me until AFTER I was pregnant.  It would have been a game changer, that’s for sure.

When they took my blood pressure, it was high, which was slightly concerning to the doctor.  At this point, I have mild preeclampsia, but it’s nothing to get anxiety about, especially because I have to do my best to keep my blood pressure down, which was REALLY easy when Pete was halfway around the world and I have what is essentially a ticking time bomb whose fuse is getting really short really fast.

Oh, also, the baby is like, really ready to make his or her entry into the world.  The doctor worded this in a couple of different ways:

– “I hope you make it to 37 weeks!” (FYI 37 weeks is NEXT WEEK THURSDAY.)
– “The baby is definitely going to come early.”
– “The baby will most likely come 1-2 weeks early.”
– “There are two things you need to do in the next two days: pack your hospital bag and put your car seat in the car.”

My main concern was that the baby would wait until after Pete got home from India – Friday evening at 5.  If the baby could hold out until then, I would be juuuuuuust fine.  (Spoiler: the baby waited and is still incubating.)

Because of the high blood pressure, the doctor put me on partial bed rest, so I’m only working in the mornings, and in the afternoons I’m sitting in the living room with my feet up, thinking of all of the things that I’d rather be doing than relaxing.  Like, I don’t know, getting the baby’s room ready.  Or cleaning our mess of a house.  But instead, I sit.

Obviously Pete knew about my doctor’s appointment when he was in India.  I didn’t want to freak him out completely when he was on the other side of the world and tell him that it sounds like our baby is going to come next week.  So, I sugar coated.

“The baby has your big head!! … Everything looks great! … Yeah, the doctor thinks the baby will probably come early … Oh, she’s a teeeeeeeny bit concerned about my blood pressure, so I’m only working half days…”

Friday night at 5:30 when Pete got home, I had never been happier to see him.  Obviously it’s my wild hormones, but for the first time ever, I cried when he got home.  Such bliss to have him back not only in America but in our house.  He told me all about his trip to India – he was REALLY happy to be home! – and then I filled him in on the doctor’s appointment.

I’m pretty sure he went into shock.  After being awake for almost 48 hours, he went into full-on dad mode.  He got the car seat into the Explorer and then made a list of things to do before the baby comes, including cleaning the garage so I don’t break my neck carrying a baby in a car seat to the car.

So now… we wait!  Whether we meet the baby in 1 week or 4, I can’t believe we’re really getting ready to meet the baby!!

Update – written May 4.

Over the weekend, I had a pretty consistent headache, which was one of the triggers that the doctor told me to call in for.  They scheduled a blood pressure check for Monday afternoon.

When I went in on Monday, Pete didn’t come, because it was supposed to be a quick in and out thing.  Well.  They took my BP three times, and three times it was really high.  The nurse talked to the doctor that was in the clinic and came back to the room.

Nurse: He wants you to head over to labor and delivery.
Sara: … What?
Nurse: … You need to go to the hospital.  Are you ok to drive?
Sara: … Yeah?
Nurse: … Do you need to call someone?
Sara: No, no I’m fine.  Am I having this baby today??
Nurse: Probably!
Sara: I’m having a baby today!!!

I called Pete, and he left the office to head over to the hospital.  I also called my mom and dad to update them, and tell them that we would let them know if it was baby day.

At the hospital, they put me in a room and I had to get all ready to like, have a baby.  They put me on IV fluids – and had a hell of a time finding a vein because of my ungodly swollen hands – and started monitoring my BP.  Pete kind of paced around, sent some emails… I watched tv and was basically in shock.

After a few hours of being monitored and several people coming in and saying “You might have the baby today!” and then “We might have you incubate a while longer!”, they finally sent us home.  I was put on full bed rest and told to go to the clinic every day for a BP check.

So!  Here I sit!  I thought that today was baby day, but nope, we still are going to wait.  I’m very paranoid about all of the kicks and movements that I feel, about any “off” feeling I have with my body, and that I’m going to like, have a baby in our bathtub in the middle of the night.

So!  Let’s hope this little baby hangs on for at least a few more days!

33.5 weeks.  6.5 weeks to go.

People keep asking me if our future getting more real, but it’s kind of weird, because as we edge closer and closer to D-Day, the whole “we’re having a baby” thing is getting more UNreal.  Like.  “Wow, I can’t believe this is happening.  I REALLY can’t believe this is happening!”

Last week was a rough one.  Not everything about pregnancy is glitter and sprinkles, and I was definitely feeling that last week.  My body is getting sore, I’m not sleeping the best (heartburn and bathroom breaks), and it’s becoming more challenging to get comfortable.  I’m not constantly UNcomfortable, it just takes more of an effort to get in a comfortable position.  When I have been sitting for more than 3 seconds, it takes longer than usual to get up and moving.  My fingers are like sausages, and my feet are pudgy.

I knew all of these things would come, I really did.  But all of a sudden this last week, I was completely overwhelmed by all of it.  On Wednesday, I honestly found myself thinking, “Can I do this for 7 more weeks?”  And then I got really scared that I was having those thoughts.

On Monday, I got an email that the dresser/changing table that we ordered in the middle of February was out of stock and isn’t going to be delivered until THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST.

The. Beginning. Of. AUGUST.

Let me remind you right now that my due date is May 28.

I’m sure you can guess where this is going.  Before I go on, I KNOW that everything will be alright.  I KNOW that we don’t NEED a dresser/changing table.  But, as I’ve mentioned before, I am a planner.  I like to have my ducks in a row.  I had a vision of a complete nursery with things on the walls and onesies in the drawers that was going to be JUST PERFECT for our little baby when we came home from the hospital.

And with one email, I felt like all of that got taken away from me.  I suddenly felt like the few things that I can control – decorating a nursery for one – got taken away from me because of unforeseen circumstances.

And that led to a complete meltdown.

Now, I have had meltdowns before.  But this was different.  I think that it was a minor panic attack.  All of a sudden I was just completely overwhelmed and feeling like we are going to be utterly unprepared for this baby to come.  And then, I was terrified.

Wednesday night over dinner (the same day that I was starting to wonder if I could handle 7 more weeks of pregnancy), I decided to try to talk to Peter about it.  It was really hard for me to put into words what I was feeling, and he sat and listened to me stammer and stutter try to express my fears and panic.

And then he did what any loving husband would do.  He said, “Sara, it’s going to be alright.  You are going to be great.  WE are going to be great.  Everything will be just fine.”

And I did what any hormonal, emotional, first-time pregnant lady would do.

I got mad.  I got REALLY mad.  In less than half a second, my tears went from sad and scared to hot and angry.  And then I got even madder because I was so annoyed with myself for being so mad at Peter, who didn’t do anything wrong.  Pete, who didn’t know that I was getting so mad, kept reassuring me that we would be ok.

I got up from the kitchen table, and started cleaning my dinner plate off in the sink, saying “Never mind.  I know it’s stupid.  I wish I wouldn’t have said anything.”  He kept talking, soothing, encouraging.

I slammed my dinner plate into the sink and yelled through hot tears, “PETER.  PLEASE.”  And he just stared at me, confused and hurt.  I started crying harder and walked away.  As I was walking down the hallway, the light was on in the baby’s room.  Looking into the baby’s room to turn off the light, I started feeling short of breath and panicky.  I turned off the light and shut the door – a door that hadn’t been shut since early January when the room was painted – because that room was just one big, fat reminder of how unprepared I was to have a baby.

Needing to close that door was horrifying.  At almost the flip of a switch, my favorite room in the house, the room that I could stand in for hours, was a room that I couldn’t even look at.

I cried in our room for a while, and then Pete came in.  I looked at him and said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”  He said that was fine, gave me a hug, and left me alone.

You guys, it was such a sad night.  I was feeling so sorry for myself, and I was still panicky that we weren’t ready to have a baby, but ready or not, baby is coming.

I slept horribly, and still wasn’t ready to talk about anything the next morning as Peter and I were getting ready for work.  The entire day after my little attack, I was in a weird mood and couldn’t even think about the night before without getting teared up and short of breath.

Finally, after work that day, I was able to apologize to Peter for being so neurotic.  The whole thing of my meltdown was that I was SO ANNOYED with myself.  Because I KNOW that everything will be fine.  I KNOW that we will be alright.  It was a very frustrating experience all around.

Yesterday, the gliding chair came.  I opened up the baby’s room door again and opened the window to let in the cool breeze.  Pete put the glider together as I cleaned the kitchen, wondering if I would be able to sit in the chair after it was assembled.

I was.

After three days of weirdness and getting over my panic, I am feeling pretty back to normal.  More excited than scared.  And I’m glad that I feel like that again.  Because the panic, it’s just not me.

ANYWAYS.  That was heavy!  Let’s get happy again and look at how nice the new glider looks in the nursery!

The glider really is just perfect for snuggling a brand new baby.  I’m smiling just thinking about it.

PS: Writing this post, I’m realizing what an impact dressers have had on my life.  Remember when we bought a house, and it all started with a dresser??  I’m going to ban any more dresser talk from now until eternity.

27 weeks.  Almost my third trimester; HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

Time is moving really fast, and some people have been like “OH!  Just WAIT until you’re eight and a half months pregnant.  It will move SO SLOWLY then!”  I’m trying to live in the moment a bit more, so let’s take it one day at a time.

There have been a few exciting things happening, but none of them warranted their own post, so I figured I’d just do one big ol’ update.

Around 23 weeks I started to feel the baby move around, and it is SOOOOO wonderful and makes me SOOOOOO happy.  It is equally weird and amazing and I wish I could describe it better, but now I find myself wanting all of my girlfriends to have babies so that they can experience this magical thing.

Pete felt the baby move for the first time over the weekend, and I think that it was even more amazing seeing his reaction to the baby moving than when I started feeling the baby’s movement.  He said, “The baby knows it’s me!  ‘High five, Dad!'”

Swooooooooooooooon he’s going to be a daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

My coworker from Brazil gave me these ADORABLE LITTLE SANDALS for the baby, and I am so excited to put them on the baby that it’s not even funny.  I keep them on our living room coffee table because I get giddy with excitement every time I see the darling little things.  The baby will probably fit into these in a non-summer month, but you had better believe that I will put them on the second they fit.

I have waited my entire life a long time for luscious, voluminous hair.  Pregnancy was supposed to do the trick.  Well.  During the first trimester of my pregnancy, my hair was anything but luscious and beautiful.  It was greasy and gross and I tried about 5 different shampoos but nothing really worked.  I felt gross because I felt nauseous all the time, and I couldn’t even do my hair nice to try to feel better about myself because I ended up feeling like a big ol’ greaseball.

After Christmas, I started noticing my hair was much more cooperative, doing what I wanted it to do, and not looking like I used olive oil to wash it.  I was like woohoo!  It’s coming around!  It feels thicker!  More voluminous!

And then a few weeks later, I noticed these little sprouts.  No amount of hairspray will tame them.  They are tamed in the morning, and then by the time I get to the office they are sticking straight up again.  I thought a headband would help.

Clearly I was wrong.

I took this picture to send to my friend because she told me that she started doing this new thing where she messes up her make up and then decides to wait until it dries to fix it, and then forgets and goes to work with messed up make up.

I made her feel a lot better.

So, in conclusion – sorry to all the ladies waiting to get luscious pregnancy hair.  It just doesn’t work out for everyone (see above pictures for case in point).

I told myself that I was going to wait to show any pictures of the nursery until I had one big post to show it from beginning to end, but IS THIS NOT SO WONDERFUL???  It turned out better than I could have hoped for, and every morning before work I stand in the room that is currently (mostly) empty and imagine what our baby will be like, and what our lives will be like after the baby is here.  It’s my new favorite hobby.

Helloooo 24 weeks pregnant.

One of my favorite things about being pregnant aside from the fact that my body has the ability to grow a human being is that I don’t have to suck it in anymore for pictures, etc.  I mean seriously, can I get an AMEN?

(Ignore the glean of sweat on my forehead.  It was a stifling 5 degrees that day.)

Jenna and Mom came up a couple weekends ago to finish up the baby registry and it was SO MUCH MORE FUN than the first time Pete and I went (no offense, Pete).  Jenna and I went one way, and my mom grabbed a cart and went another way.  About a half an hour later, Jen and I found my mom, and there was a big ass bunny in her cart.  I looked at Jenna and said, “That’s got to be for your kids.”

And then my mom looked up at us with these big eyes and said, “I just thought this would look soooooooo cute in your baby’s nursery, Sara…”  It’s soft and squishy and about the size of a five year old.

Clearly, I had to have it.

It’s the only thing in the nursery right now, and it makes me sooooo happy to see it in there.  I showed it to my three and a half year old niece Nora via FaceTime last night, and she is certain that the baby will love it.  She is suddenly VERY invested in the pregnancy, checking up on me and making sure that the baby has enough to eat (Baby loves candy…) and is getting enough rest.  She wants her cousin to be a girl because she really likes playing with girls, but it’s ok if her cousin is a boy, because then Josh (her almost 2 year old brother) will have someone to play with.  And she likes playing with Josh so it will be ok if she has to play with another boy.

From the mouths of babes.  It makes me melt.

Written January 19.  21.5 weeks.

I’m a planner.  I love being on time and knowing what I’m talking about.  I adored registering for our wedding because I was choosing things that looked good and were functional.  I had a vision that I was able to complete.

Registering for things for a baby did not go well with my “loving knowing what I’m talking about” trait.

It was overwhelming and stressful and, frankly, not that much fun.  In general, I am not a HUGE researcher when it comes to products.  But now all of a sudden when I have to be less concerned about something looking good and more concerned about safety and functionality, I felt like I needed to do my research.

Jenna has been my main source of information because the internet is really overwhelming and filled with wayyyyy too many opinions, followed closely by my friend Lindsay – formerly L but screw anonymity, and I type out Lindsay all the way anyways before deleting to just L.  They have honestly both been God-sends, and I would have been a much bigger wreck in Babies R Us on Saturday had I not had their help and expert opinions.

When we arrived at Babies R Us, I don’t know what I was expecting.  Some sort of light to shine down on the products that we should register for?  A big sign over products that says “SARA THIS IS THE ONE YOU SHOULD GET”?  My motherly instinct to suddenly kick into full gear?  I don’t know.

Anyways, when we got there, we learned that there was a “Baby Registry Party” going on.  A neat concept, don’t get me wrong, but that meant that there were a LOT of people in the store.  Which heightened my anxiety.  Because there were so many people milling about, I felt like I couldn’t take my time and read the labels, etc.

We got our registry all set up and learned about this little party where they would be going over their best-selling products and hosting a raffle.  We were less concerned about the party and more concerned about the raffle.  We didn’t win.

We decided to work our way from the back of the store to the front.  The back has all of the baby bedding, but we are registering for that at Pottery Barn Kids.  Side note: at Babies R Us all gender-neutral bedding is animal/jungle themed.  Not quite what we had in mind.  We got a blanket here, a hamper there… Not so bad yet!

Then we came up to the diapers.  I walked past them because do you know how many diaper options there are?  A LOT.  I told Pete that I was too overwhelmed by them and wanted Jenna’s opinion.

We walked through the baby furniture in hopes of finding the crib and dresser that we want.  I mostly wanted to see the color, because I have a vision of gray furniture, and I don’t entirely trust the computer screen.  They didn’t have it, so now Jenna’s mission is to find that set at a Babies R Us in the Chicagoland area and report back on the color.  I trust her wholly.

Then we got to the strollers.  I knew what stroller I wanted because of Jenna’s research on best strollers around, and this nice little video that walks through the pros and cons of the top 10 strollers.  Since Jenna has two kids, I trust her in knowing what she’s talking about for strollers.  Lindsay added some very valuable advice in saying that MAKE SURE YOU CAN COLLAPSE IT.  Because that is make or break in many cases.  Very good advice that I wouldn’t have thought of.

My online research had informed me that the stroller that I wanted was available at Babies R Us and Target.  Of course when we were IN the store, they didn’t have the one I wanted, so I thought I’d give a different one a try.  After struggling to get a damn stroller off the 5 inch high shelf and almost knocking down the domino-row of about 25 strollers, I decided that I didn’t want to try and collapse it right then and there.  There were a LOT of people milling about, and it just was not worth the high potential of embarrassment.  So we moved on after Pete said, “Sara, I’ll be able to figure out anything; that’s what YouTube is for.”

Pack and play, activity centers, car seats, swings, bouncy chairs.  All took some thinking and sweating, but we got it narrowed down essentially to the most basic (pack and play), the least amount of noise (activity center – Peter wanted the ability to control the amount of noise in our home while he still can), the lightest (car seat – also had to be compatible with the stroller), and the one that takes up the least amount of space (swing and bouncy chair).

We also registered for some more basic things like a changing table pad, covers, a Boppy, etc.  But those were more on the level of “which one is gender neutral and/or will match the baby’s room”.

I had two “favorite things” to register for: the high chair and the baby bathtub.  I know; I’m wild.  Both Jenna and Lindsay highly recommended a high chair that just strapped on to a table chair instead of the entire unit.  Sounds great to me!  There were only two to choose from, so that was splendid.

When it came to the baby bathtub, Lindsay recommended one that compacts so you can take it places and shove it under the sink for storage.  Those baby bathtubs are very large units, and seriously I KNOW that I wouldn’t have considered having to store that thing until after the first bath.  So the compact feature made it very easy to register for one – there were only two to choose from.  My kind of item!

When we were almost done, we got to the WALL OF BOTTLES.  Where I almost lost it.  Honestly, one more second and I would have burst into tears.  In hind sight, we should have either avoided this area completely or gone to it first.

We scanned three different bottle brands that I remembered using in my nannying days, and then I told Pete that I wanted to go home.  He gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, “Ok, and let’s stop and get you an ice cream too.”

The man knows me so well.

When I’ve told people that we registered on Saturday, most people ask me how Pete handled it.  You guys, he was a champ.  I think for two reasons:
1. He got to hold the scanner.
2. He could tell that I was on the brink the entire time, so he kept it together for his fragile wife’s sake.

As we were driving home and I was able to talk without the fear of tears coming, I figured out why I was such a wreck.

How were we supposed to choose things for a person that we haven’t met?  How are we supposed to know what they are going to like?  What they’re going to hate?  What will make them feel safe?

And those thoughts honestly overwhelmed me.  With this baby, Peter and I are going into territory that neither of us has been, and being a planner, it’s actually kind of terrifying.  I am sure that we will do fine, but this unknown stuff… it makes me antsy.  Call me crazy, but I find it so reassuring that every first time parent goes into the situation the same way we are, and they are able to figure it all out.

We’re headed to Target this weekend, and then THANKFULLY Jenna is coming up in February to help me refine the registry.  I’ve never needed her more.

Peter and I still can’t believe we’re going to be parents.

On that note: I want need this if the baby is a girl.

When we were walking through the clothes section, Pete said that it made him nervous to go through the clothes, and I said, “Why?  Rest assured, our child will be the best dressed at daycare.”  His response?

“That’s what makes me nervous…”

All he saw when we were walking through the clothes section was dollar signs.

All I saw were tutus and sweater vests.

SO ADORABLE.