An apology to my mother.

Dear Mom,

I know that I should have said this a long time ago, but I think a part of me just didn’t want to admit it.  Now, I’ve been pushed over the edge, and I just NEED to say something.

Yesterday, I had Peter bring 2 baskets of laundry over to my apartment so that I could make him look presentable and be confident that he is wearing clean clothes on a daily basis.  When I started sorting the laundry, towards the bottom of one basket, I began getting suspicious.  Then, I realized it.  He had put dirty laundry into a basket ON TOP OF already folded shirts and shorts and socks.  I. was. pissed.  Why the eff was he giving me CLEAN CLOTHES that were STILL FOLDED to wash?!?!

I don’t mind doing his laundry.  Especially because he buys the detergent.  And he brings me out to dinner.  I don’t mind putting his shirts in the dryer again because I neglected to fold the laundry right away and they got wrinkled.  I don’t mind folding all of his clothes, or ironing his shirts and dress pants.  

What I do mind, is when I see clean clothes in the dirty pile.  And I mind when I see him take a shirt from the bottom of the pile, leaving the rest disheveled.  I also mind when he leaves his clothes in the basket instead of putting them in his closet or dresser.

Mom.  I realized yesterday that I am becoming… you.  I remember, all those years ago, you screaming at us after we cleaned our rooms because we would put anything on the floor in the dirty laundry.  I remember you following us upstairs and showing us our drawers in disarray, making us straighten them.  Threatening that we will have to do our OWN laundry if you EVER saw our drawers like that AGAIN.  And I also remember rolling my eyes at you.

For this, I apologize.  Because now that I have someone putting clean, FOLDED clothes in the dirty laundry basket, I send them texts like this “Peter Romenesko.  The bottom half of the basket of laundry you gave me is still CLEAN.  And halfway FOLDED.”  And when he responds “Whoops!”, I respond “THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD EMPTY THE LAUNDRY BASKETS I GIVE YOU OF CLEAN CLOTHES.  You’re lucky I still love you and don’t ABANDON you and make you FEND FOR YOURSELF.”  

Why don’t I abandon him, you ask?  Two reasons.  The first one, is because I fully realize that if he had a disheveled appearance in public, it would reflect poorly on me.  The last thing I want someone thinking is, “Who is the girl that is dating that poor schmuck?”  And the second reason is because I don’t want to let his parents down.  They trust me to take care of their poor, helpless child when he is away from home.  I don’t want them to think poorly of me.

So, Mom, I apologize to you now for taking advantage of your mad laundry skillz.  For every clean shirt I didn’t want to put back in my drawer.  For every pair of underwear that I took from the bottom of the pile, leaving the rest in disarray.  I only have one person’s laundry to do beside my own, and I am almost going crazy.  How you managed with 7 children and a farmer husband, I will never know.  

I also thank you for passing these skillz on to me.  Although, I’m not sure if it is a blessing or a curse, because I find myself cursing a whole lot when I’m doing laundry.

Your favorite daughter.


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