I use excessive profanity in this post. Shield young eyes before reading.
Sometimes in life, you try so hard to not look like an asshole that you end up looking like an asshole.
Last year I bought a Packer jersey because Peter and I got tickets to a Packer game, and our seats were really awesome, expensive seats where if you don’t have a jersey you look like an asshole. So I bought a jersey.
THEN I realized that I was an idiot for buying a Packer jersey because I SHOULD have bought a Packer SWEATSHIRT. On Fridays during the NFL season, we have NFL day. What is better than wearing a hoodie to work every Friday for 5 months and not getting in trouble for violating the company dress code? NOTHING.
So I bought a Packer hoodie. And it’s comfortable and I love Fridays even more now because I get to wear a hoodie to work.
Because I’m the ultimate Packer fan, I assume that all games are on Sundays and that means all NFL days at work are on Fridays. I deleted the memo that had the NFL day schedule. Earlier this season, the Packers had a game on a Monday, which I’m choosing not to talk about in detail because I had a very upset husband after that game. (The day after the Packers lost that game, Peter called me on his way home from work and he sounded really sad like he had a bad day, so I asked him what was wrong. “Well, I’m just still really sad that the Packers lost.” I hung up the phone.)
Anyways, the Friday before the game I walked into the office with my Packer jersey on. I had an old white t-shirt on underneath. As I walked in, the receptionist, before saying good morning, said, “Wrong day, Sara. Packers play on Monday, so Monday is Packer Day.”
So I rushed to my office before anyone else could see me and shut the door.
What to do what to do what to do.
I took off the jersey. Unfortunately, I wasn’t wearing a tank top or even a white bra underneath the white t-shirt. Black bra. White t-shirt. Definite violation of company dress code.
I keep a heavy sweater in my office because most days my office is colder than the frozen tundra. I could probably wear the same shirt to work every day of the week and no one would notice because I always have a sweater on.
So I put on my heavy sweater over the white t-shirt. And buttoned it to the top. This sweater is not meant to be buttoned. (I would find a picture of it on the internet, but it’s really old, so it’s not sold in stores anymore. Just picture a chunky sweater with large, wooden buttons that is clearly not supposed to be buttoned.)
I walked around all day looking like an idiot because I was wearing a white t-shirt and a sweater that was clearly meant not to be buttoned, buttoned all the way to the top. On the day that I wore my Packer jersey so that I wouldn’t look like an asshole, I ended up looking like a huge asshole. My co-workers were polite enough not to mention how horrible I looked all day.
So the moral of the story is: don’t try to blend in, and be yourself, otherwise you end up looking like an asshole. (But if you’re an asshole, you should probably try to blend in.)