Questions and Answers

In recent weeks, I have been asked not very many questions, but these questions have been asked repeatedly, so that makes for a lot of questions.


Question 1: What’d you do THAT for?


I don’t know if you noticed, but my blog recently had a face lift.  Well, my dad noticed.  He doesn’t like it.  He specifically said, “I don’t like it.”  He asked me why I changed it.


Well sorry, DAD, I’m sorry that I wanted to add a little more SPICE in my LIFE.  GAWD.


Really though, when I first started my blog, I honestly didn’t think that it would get as much traffic as it does… So I did something super plain and simple, as in, I just went with whatever blogger chose for me (Obviously blogger doesn’t know as much about me as Google Ads does).  But upon further analysis, I decided that the only thing that is plain and simple about me is my name (thanks Mom and Dad…), but THEN when I was thinking about it, I’m not THAT complex because I am an idiot and don’t think before I talk, so everyone knows what I’m thinking anyways.  AND I don’t know how to lie, because people can guess what my emotion is just by my face.  UGH.  No secrets here.


Speaking of not thinking before talking, I was watching a TV show, and a wife was getting all riled-up and angry at her husband, and when she asked him if he thought about what he was going to say before he spoke, I really liked what he said: “Yes, I do.  And in my head, it’s amazing, and then when I SAY it, I ALWAYS impress myself.”  Yeah, I really liked that.


Another reason that I decided to add a little pizzazz to the old blog was because darling Peter gave me an early birthday present: http://www.realworldsara.com.  So now with this ritzy domain that I have, I thought I’d do a complete makeover.  Which isn’t completely done yet, but I don’t really feel like working on it any more.


Question 2: Do you know how to say…??


No.  I don’t.  Being able to pretend that I can speak and understand Spanish has it’s ups and downs.  One of the ups is that I got hired because of it.  One of the downs is that people think that you know every single mother trucking word.  Do you know how many words exist in Spanish?  A lot.  Not as many as English, but that almost makes it MORE difficult, because there aren’t as many ways to say “idiot” in Spanish as there are English, so you’re stuck sounding like the idiot repeating the same word.


The other day I sent a very hostile email in Spanish that had a lot of CAPS LOCK AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!  Because the man I was dealing with didn’t make ANY sense, and this was like the 5th communication or something.  I was SO mad that I even translated the email literally word for word and sent it to Peter so that HE could get mad too (not that he doesn’t have enough on his plate to worry about – specifically what to get me for my birthday), and he was all “WHOA. This guy is NUTS.  How do you DEAL with PEOPLE like this, love of my life?!” or something to that degree.  Then he asked if I responded with “wtf???” in Spanish.


Confession: I don’t know how to swear in Spanish.  I know that it’s like, the first thing that you’re supposed to learn or something when you live in a foreign country, but I just… didn’t.  I don’t really swear that much in English though, so it’s a pretty simple thing to leave out of my Spanish vocabulary.  I actually swear the most around my mom, because it makes her kind of mad, and that’s our favorite thing to do.  


And how was I supposed to go about learning these swear words, anyways?  I taught 8th graders, which I KNOW that they know swear words, but I didn’t think it was appropriate to have a lesson consisting of an exercise where I ask them how to say asshole and they tell me.  They DO know the word bitch though… I don’t know if you remember THAT episode…  So anyways, I just never learned swear words.  Sorry I’m lame.


Question 3: Did you get that text?


-“Was it a picture text?”


-“Yes.”


-“Then no.”


Oh, the joys of cell phones.  For some reason, my phone refuses to receive picture texts.  Why, I have no idea.  It USED to, and then it just… stopped.  This frustrates me to no end.  It also frustrates Jenna, who likes to send me pictures of outfits/baby stuff/gifts/anything she wants me to judge, because she knows that yes, I’m judgey, but I will give her my honest opinion about it, even if that opinion is, “Jenna.  Seriously?  That is HIDEOUS.”  And then she gets all offended, and I’m all “You ASKED me my OPINION, and you have KNOWN me for twenty three YEARS, so you should know by NOW that I will tell you the TRUTH and not SUGAR COAT it.”  And then she sighs and says, “I knooooooooow.”  


So.  No, I do not receive picture texts, so stop sending them to me, because I don’t want you to think that I’m ignoring you or that I think you’re stupid so I just am not responding.  It’s not you, it’s me.


And now, the question that I get asked MOST often:


Question 4: Have you always been so attractive?


No.

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